2007: A Year in Review...

So much has happened in this last year, and 2007 has whirl-winded by....

As I sit here with my new diabetes diagnosis, it's hard to imagine that at this time last year I was anxiously awaiting an eight day stay in the hospital right after the New Year that would reveal to me whether I was a good candidate for epilepsy surgery. I was actually contemplating brain surgery! Eight Days of being dog-tied by wires stuck to my head would bring me a sense of freedom that I had not experienced in over four years. It's funny because around this time last year, hanging around the kitchen with Erich and his mother, she casually joked..."Maybe you have migraines." I guess she was right...

2007 brought the MCATs, applying to medical school, and leaving a city that I dearly loved, so that I could finally "Come Home," after eight years....With it came heartache and a lesson learned that respect can not be given, even by those that claim to be gentlemen; it must be commanded. I broke my own "living with someone" rules slightly, and discovered more about myself. In 2007, I learned the hard way that I cannot make someone love me...Although he will always be a dear friend, after three years, 2008 will be a year of emptying out space in my heart, so that I can let others in...

2007 also marked the death of someone who was like a second father to me, Benito Barragan...may he rest in peace...

2007 gave me the chance to become close to my sister, Heather.. We lived as roommates for the summer, which is a memory I will always cherish. She spent the summer being my little cheerleading squad, giving me the encouragement I needed to make it through retaking the MCATs and applying to medical school.

And finally in 2007 I was diagnosed with diabetes. And oddly I feel stronger now than ever. With a little help from exercise and diet I feel in control for the first time in a long time. I can even do 20 push-ups, which is a feat that I have not reached since before the age of 21...

So goodbye 2007! May you rest in peace. May 2008 bring me good news from medical schools, health for both my family and I, and happiness and love!

First "D" Christmas....a day of too many indulgences.....

I finally joined the digital music world today! Goodbye CDs, Hello iPod. For the last few, years my family has done a gift exchange for Christmas. We draw names a year in advance and we each get one gift. In addition, we also have a White Elephant Gift Exchange (even more fun that the real gift exchange). Well, I got an iPod Shuffle this year, and I am quite stoked...

...But I detract from the real reason I am posting...I completely lost all self-discipline today (I kinda knew I would...after all Christmas only comes once a year). I started the day out with a 40 minute run, followed by another 20 minutes of a few sets of triceps curls, chest presses, push-ups, sit-ups, and of course a few minutes of planks! I felt strong and like I was ready to handle Christmas with self control...Brunch started out great. I filled my plate with large portions of protein--ham and eggs (no veggies at my family Christmas brunches)-- took only a small dollop of scalloped potatoes, and even limited myself to one-half of one of my grandmother's sticky buns. Figuring sticky buns are a close runner up for my all time favorite once-a-year food this took a LOT of self-control....but this is where it all ends...

First, as we all sat around the tree my grandma passed the candy tray around...she had made fresh toffee, and pecan rolls. "O.K. I'll just break a tiny bit off a piece of toffee..." Pretty soon a small piece became a big piece, and well by the end of the evening I was cutting my self a slice of pie and throwing ice cream on top...and secretly popping an extra dose of metformin around 3pm. To make matters worse, I ran out of glucose meter strips a couple of days ago, and due to all the Christmas mail rush, my prescription hasn't arrived yet, so I lived in blissful denial that yes, my blood sugars were fine...

My boss yesterday told me not think of Christmas as cheating and as just part of the normal routine, because the word cheat insights feelings of guilt, which eventually leads to abandoning everything...so I did. And I ate, and it was yummy! And I had a wonderful day of blissful denial, and tomorrow it's back to salmon patties and Wasa fiber crackers for breakfast! Maybe next Christmas I'll be a better diabetic...

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Arggg! Holiday Frustration.

So today I am admitedly feeling frustrated with my fitness progress. For the last month I have been going to a boot camp training class 3-4 days a week (I would have like to have gone more, but the kids I work with have had me perpetually sick this entire month and my doctor actually ordered me to cut back so I could get better...of which I only half listened to). Boot Camp is an interval style training with 10 minutes of high intense cardio switched up with 10 minutes of weights for an hour total. On top of this, I have reduced my diet to about 30% carbohydrates in order to keep better control of my blood glucose(the ADA guidelines of 60% just doesn't work for me). I feel stronger and better on the inside, but I cannot get those scale numbers to budge, despite the fact that I know I am eating less calories in a day than I was a month ago. It would be one thing if I was running around enjoying holiday food like the rest of the country, but I am not....no egg nog or pumpkin pie for me. My work even ordered me grilled chicken last week at the work party and I successfully avoided the desert table!

I think tomorrow I am going to restart my running regime again that I started while I was studying for the MCATs a few months ago...and figuring I want do my first ever triathlon in a few months that probably would be a good idea.

MODY Tests

So I got an email and phone call from my endo today. My GAD and IAC were normal! Yea! Despite, the fact that I am attacking my own thyroid I am not attacking my own pancreas! My redo C-peptide tests also indicates that I still have a fair amount of pancreatic function as well...Yippie! At fasting it was 1.2 and 2-hours later is was 4.2. My endo feels strongly, however, that I am not Type II and thinks the lingering high blood sugars tend to lean more toward MODY. She is referring me to the genetic department where they will run about 6 tests at $600 a pop to see if I am MODY! Thank goodness for health insurance!

Good Advice for an OCD Diabetic....

BTW, you are WAAAAAAY over-thinking and over-categorizing your diagnosis. It's not meant to be that complicated.

1. Monitor Blood Sugar
2. Adjust diet and meds accordingly
3. Repeat Step 1

Date...

So I had my first date in a really long time this evening...In addition, to just being nervous about the date itself, (am I ready to date again, do I have too much going on in my life since I am applying to medical school, what's he going to think when he finds out I live with my grandparents and drive a minivan), I was a little nervous about my new diagnosis...do I tell? Do I keep it a secret? I easily could have kept it a secret (at least for tonight), because I am doing a glucose tolerance test/ C-Peptide test on Friday, so I am allowed to eat 150-250 grams a carbohydrates a day for the next 48 hours...no turning down a beer, French fries or even desert...but I let it slip...at to my surprise my date responded, "What's there to be embarrassed about. It's not your fault. Millions of people have diabetes." Right answer. I like this guy already....Second date here we come (he already asked).

Labels

A few weeks ago the sermon at church was about labels. Labels divide. They make us feel safe. They give us some sort of identity. They create a thus versus them scenario.

As a newly diagnosed--unknown type--diabetic I have recently become obsessed with labels. Moreover, I have become obsessed with trying to label my diabetes, classify it, diagnose it...at the selfish cost of having my doctors run very expensive genetic tests to determine if I am MODY. Due to my age, my BMI, reasonable fitness level, inconclusive test results, and lack of strong family history my doctor cannot give me a definitive answer as to whether I am a honeymooning Type I, MODY, LADA or Type II. There is even a suspicion that I might have secondarily acquired diabetes due to a bout with acute pancreatitis at age sixteen.

As a possible Type II, I feel shame and guilt due to the stereotypes I have come to believe over the years. Is this my fault? Did my sweet tooth and love for carbohydrates do me in? I inappropriately feel resentment toward any seemingly healthy obese person that I meet. At the same time, there is a sense of relief (at leasts it's not the bad kind and a little diet and exercise should go a long way). As a possible Type I, MODY, LADA,.... I feel dread over a life of insulin and the scary hypos I read about. I oddly also feel secretly relieved that it's not my fault (followed by terribleness that this thought eveb flew across my mind)...

But is any of this anyone's fault? Do genetics and chance play more of a role than we realize in all types of diabetes. Do labels divide more than they help us to identify? Only a few weeks into this and already I have noticed the divide in the online diabetic community. As these thoughts have been flowing across my mind, I came upon the most recent SUM post, commenting on recent media diabetes jokes, and she gets it...that jokes, stereotypes, and labels only divide and hurt us all in this fight.