Insulin Madness

...so I got the results of my 24-hour urine C-peptide back today (it's a really annoying test that test your overall insulin making capacity and requires you to keep jugs of pee in the fridge...ooh sexy!). It's on the low side of normal, which provides more evidence that I am not insulin resistant. It's both upsetting and a little bit of a load of my shoulders...it always seems like no matter what I eat and how much I exercise, my sugars always tend to run a little high. I become frustrated with myself, blame myself (that I am just not doing enough), and then fall off the bandwagon because I feel like it doesn't seem to matter. It's this really vicious cycle that's caused my eating habits to become some what disordered. I keep bouncing between the new extreme diet of the week, and then pretending like my diabetes doesn't exists...but the fundamental reason for my blood sugars never being just right (even though by medical standards I have good control) is that my body needs insulin that I can't produce adequately. Needles suck, but my perpetual guilt like I've done this to myself is even worse. The test sort of proves that my diabetes isn't a result of things I've done, but rather bad luck...I am not saying that I don't have control over things (because I can control my diet and exercise), but it does say that I can stop beating myself up emotionally all the time.